Do you feel like you’ve done a lot of the work of being a writer (or artist or maker of any kinda thing), but you haven’t been recognized by whoever it is we think should recognize us so we feel real?
We don’t know each other, but my guess is, you’re probably already real.
I say take the “waiting” as an opportunity to dive into all the stories that live inside the waiting: the shame stories and the not enough stories and the story of what you want and how arriving there will make this small moment of waiting feel. If you can write about all that, do. If you can’t, just imagine your character or your poetic lean or your essay - on waiting, on wanting, on not getting and however that experience of not getting transforms you/your character/your poem/your story.
And also, something I learned in reflecting on my $20 spy adventure: At the reading, a person I don’t know asked me who I was there with. I said, me. She seemed to think that was a wild ass thing to do, to go to a literary event alone. We laughed and introduced ourselves, and I introduced myself to a handful of the people who read their work. They’re all going to be on my podcast, Totally Biased Reviews, coming up here in the next couple months.
I didn’t go to the event expecting to invite new people to my podcast. One of the readers had already agreed to be on my podcast. I just liked their work and thought it might be fun to talk to them some more. I didn’t go expecting anything, really, except to try to solve the mystery of why the hell people would be willing to pay $20 for a poetry reading with some music when they won’t go to a beautiful, interactive, thrilling, and/or devastating theater event for free.
I have failed to solve this mystery, but in trying to solve it, I had the opportunity to introduce myself to one of my favorite writers (while walking out of the bathroom…with wet CLEAN hands bc the paper towels were all used up) and make fun of a bunch of bird paintings with a poet who is no longer a stranger.
That’s all to say: the point of this thing is making art and having fun, right? Legitimacy is a made up thing. We do not live in a literary meritocracy. Like my daddy used to say, rockstars are only rockstars because they’re the ones up there having fun. Everyone else is just making music.
xo
p.s. I did not wear a romper to said event, jic anyone is out there speculating. $20 cover demands either super spicy attire or slacks, and I went with the latter.
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